one’s past and one’s present. Based on the world we live in, I don’t think it’s an outrageous statement to make.
Most people lack empathy for themselves, therefore they are unconscious of their own emotions and motives – and by extension they can’t empathize with others. I often hear people say, “Oh, he’s just this weird smelly man.” Or, “He was such a good boy when he was little, and now he’s so mean, I don’t know what happened!“ Or, “She’s just a dumb, filthy whore, how pathetic.” Or, “Haha, he’s so stupid! How could he do this kind of stuff, that‘s retarded.” And so on…
Every person was a child once. However, a lot of people fail to understand that. Since they haven’t processed their own past, they see others as they are right now – and that’s it. They can’t comprehend that this person was a child once, and a lot of things happened before (s)he became a person that they are today. They didn’t just fall from the sky being 40 years old and grumpy or stupid, or aggressive, or ignorant, or scared, or promiscuous, or lonely – or smart, or funny, or creative, or empathetic, or kind. A LOT of things happened before that, leading to the point where they are today.
This “weird smelly man” probably was neglected and abandoned a lot as a child and hasn’t developed proper self-care and social skills, so he’s probably lonely and miserable.
This “mean guy” probably suffered a lot of abuse and control from others in his early and later life; therefore he had to obey and seemed “nice”, but actually was very scared and hurt, and his meanness in adulthood is a defense mechanism from a potential attack.
This “filthy, pathetic whore” probably didn’t have loving, protecting parents, and was sexually abused, presumably several times; therefore she tries to normalize what happened to her by acting promiscuously – and, in her own way, tries to feel needed, valuable, and loved.
This “stupid person’s” preferences probably were ignored and he was forced to do stuff that he didn’t like, and he never had a great teacher, and he was punished for making mistakes; so he just gave up and stopped trying, and dissociated from his true emotions, interests and talents.
Trying to understand oneself and others is much harder than just saying, “Oh, he’s just weird” or, “She’s so dumb.”
People who haven’t processed their own life tend to make fun of others, laugh at their pain, put them down, and demean them in various other ways.
This behavior says two things about such people:
- One: these people feel insecure and unhappy about their own lives.
- Two: somebody treated them the same way they are treating others and they haven’t processed these horrific experiences.
People laugh at others’ pain and misery, and demean others because they themselves feel unprocessed pain and are unhappy.
If you understand your own pain, it’s impossible to laugh at other peoples’ misery or harm others.
Self-archeology leads to self-empathy – and that by extension leads to more empathy for others, especially for children.
Source: Empathy and Laughing